Oh Life

So I went to a funeral for a friends brother that was tragically gone before the rest of us around him feel was his time. I literally can say I never liked funerals but I now HATE them. There are parts that are touching but for the most part I put myself back at my dads service still truly missing my father to the depths of my soul. They passed by me with the casket as the service started and I weeped not only for my friend and for the great loss and heartache that I know he is feeling but for the great loss of my dad. For that moment so recently that we followed in a casket almost just the same way. I found myself having to truly breath real deep to even be able to breath. I didn't even cry like that at my dads service. I think it is because when you have to so quickly gather together for your own loved one you are numb. You go through the motions, being strong for those around you, but when you are 6 almost 7 months later attending another tragic funeral service it all plays to real. Aside from the difficulty of todays service though I realized how grateful I am for such amazing friends. The Lord blessed me in high school with such close friends that even 13 years later I feel almost as though they are my brothers. The close embrace of a friend aching and in some way being able to sympathize and understand him in ways that you never thought you would is so amazing. I love the Gospel, I love my family, and I love my friends. I am grateful for eternity. Not only for myself but for those around me that I love that to have families that have experienced recent trials yet we have the same knowledge to get us through the today.

Bring in the New Year!

Well 2011 is just around the corner. I can't wait for a new year!! To say the least, this 2010 has been the ultimate piece of poopy! I still have to count my blessings though. I am so grateful for my family. When I say my family I mean my husband and Keeley along with our extended family. Life truly is not complete without any part of a family unit and this year has come to prove that to be true more then ever. I am grateful for the Gospel, for the knowledge that is helps us have, the comfort that it brings and for understanding of the love the Savior has for us. Today couldn't have been a better reminder of how blessed I am. My baby girl just made me smile the entire day. Even the simplest thing of listening to her play makes you appreciate just having her in my life. I can't wait for a million more days like today! Happy New Year everyone!

Genuine Friendships

So, I'm up after being asleep for a little over and hour because this new baby I am brewing makes me feel like its time to have the flu at any moment all the time. Thank goodness for peppermint gum that soothes that though. I do have something weighing heavy on my mind though so I will write on my blog about it since that so rarely happens anymore. Tonight we went to go see Santa and some fake bubble snow with some long time friends of mine and their families. How grateful I am for invitations to do things like that. It amazes me though that one simple hug from a genuine true friend can make you feel so much comfort, that in an instant its like all of your emotions can come flowing to the surface because you know they truly care for you in the most sincere way. I had this happen to me tonight and that hug of comfort has stuck with me through the evening. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such amazing friends my whole life. I am truly amazed at the people they have become and how we all still truly care for one another. They can always bring a smile to my face and with one simple hug bring me comfort that is so often forgotten.

Family Pictures

Every year it seems like on Canadian Thanksgiving we have our family pictures taken for the year. Well this year my friend Megan Lee of Paisley Jane Photography took them and we love them. Here are a few

Happy Birthday!

Tomorrow is my dads birthday. All he ever said about birthdays was that is was just another day. I try to remind myself of that. The only thing he ever wanted to be doing on his birthday was be out hunting in the hills. For many of the birthdays in his lifetime he was doing just that. He loved every minute of it too!! I bet you he is just salivating in heaven with all the beautiful buck around to look at and knowing that Heavenly Father won't let you shoot them up there. So as a small tribute to my dad tonight I say, you're one of the greatest men I know. You were the best round snuggle bear that I have ever seen. My childhood would have not been the same without Sunday morning cartoons with you on your bed. I have found myself doing the Tarzan yell to Keeley before. Look what you have started!! Too bad she never got to hear yours. She would think mine was totally lame. I'm trying to live up to your expectations though. You were so kind to everyone. Giving beyond what any of us knew you had. There is not one person since you've been gone that hasn't said what an amazing person you were. Way to make peoples expectations of your spawn go above what I think I'm capable of. Now I'm not only going to have to tell people that my mom is to amazing and not for them to expect that from me. I'm also going to have to tell them to not get their hopes up to high for me being as amazing as my dad. I hope you are up there getting to spend some time and teaching my little ones before they come down here to be members of our crazy family and teaching them how to deal best with their stubborn mama. I love you daddy! Happy Birthday and may you see the biggest, most beautiful buck you've ever seen!!

Home but not Whole

So I am home in Las Vegas. It's been 2 weeks and 4 days. For those 2 weeks and 4 days I have replayed saying such as, "Yes, my father passed away on July 27, 2010" and "He passed away in a 4 wheeling accident". Sometimes I say those 2 saying over and over in my head wondering how many times in my lifetime I will have to repeat those 2 phrases. Phrases that you don't think you will ever really have to say but I do.
It's amazing how the Lord blesses you with the ability to just push through for your loved ones. Today as I was driving home the reality of everything finally hit me. I have had moments here and there but truly been able to just help my mom with communication and finances. I feel that the Lord blessed me with all of my years of work experience to be able to sort through some of this stuff after my dads passing. Now though, it is here. The grief is here. I hear his voice in my head for some reason repeating the same simple voice message he would leave when he called. "Hi Meg, This is your dad." Its almost like he is some how trying to tell me, "Hey Meg, this is your dad and I'm still here." I also as strange as this sounds remember the silly stuff like feeding treats to my baby or texting me from his real estate brokers class. Makes you realize that everything you do in this life leaves an impression on people whether the act is great or small. The biggest compliment in my lifetime has been that I am just like my dad. I hope to continue to live in his amazing legacy and be just like my dad because if I can touch lives and leave this world like he did I truly have lived a life of purpose. My worries now lie in, who is going to be with my mom, who is going to be there to watch and witness my babies being baptized, who is going to some day take those little ones of mine on the front lawn and watch them as they play? All of these questions will I'm sure be answered and not be so hard to face at some point in time but for now they are. I love you daddy. You were my best friend and understood me like noone else could. I miss you more then you understand!

Prayer

So, I have to admit I am not the best at always saying my prayers. I try and I'm not horrible but lately I find myself thinking of so many things that I lay awake at night for a while and I am waking up a ton because of the millions of things on my mind. With that being said, I think that some of this could be settled, or I guess comforted could be a better word, if I had more faith and was more sincere in my prayers. They tell us constantly to rely on the Lord to give our hearts and our worries to him and let him be our comforter but honestly, how do you do that? I think that my biggest problem is control. I like to have control. It is probably my biggest downfall. I really need to work on this one. Any advice?